Honey Do List Gone Wild For Unemployed Men

Wash the damn car
Seal the driveway
Clean the air filters
Empty the vacuum bag
Cut the frigging grass
Organize the garage
Paint

See that chair, don't sit in it.
The dishes are piling up, let's get 'er done.
But wait, it's raining, get the clothes off the line, FAST.
Look in the fridge, what do you see? Nothing?
Get busy, here's the list, off you go. Have fun.
What took you so long! Gheesh.
You what! You bought a new lawnmower!
Let's do the math. The square footage of the house is like
ten times that of the lawn, so why didn't you buy a new vacuum?
Just wondering.

Here's the credit card, go buy the kids their school stuff.
Did you get the mail today?
About that credit card, don't you dare!
You're back already?
What! The car broke down!
Take the car in.
How much? Here's another damn credit card.

Your son wants a new video game.
Don't you dare!
Fix that leaking tub.
You can't fix that leaking tub?
Hire a plumber that takes a credit card.
About that credit card.
Did you see the hydro bill!
Too bad we can't use the credit card.
Wait. I think we can.

The little guy wants some more candy.
Use the card.
How much is our house worth?
I was just wondering if there would be enough equity
to pay off the credit cards.
About those cards.
Fill up the car. You really need the card for that.
How much?
Can you walk to hockey?
Beer. We need beer.
At least we're getting airmiles, yippee.

We need a new roof
We need new windows
When will the patio be finished?
About that credit card.
Credit card declined.
Now what?
Who's your favourite realtor?
ME! "Yeah I got a Listing".

APPLICATION HELL
Do you know how many jobs are out there?
Apparently, the superabundance is so overwhelming,
it will make me cry with gratitude.
The choices are spectacular!
Employers en masse, like a parade of dancing cash.
Sixteen hours of resume revamping,
twenty two hours of cover letter re-design,
and days of emailing to those who are dying to hire me.

Oh yes.
I warned my neighbours of the coming onslaught.
Checked the local bylaws to ensure the parade of opportunity conformed.
Adorned my body in pinstripes
The hair. You should see the hair:
Arched at the edges, it screams Management Material!
Oh yes. All is good.

Six months have passed.
Do you know how many jobs are NOT out there?
Apparently, the drought is so overwhelming,
I had to stop crying. I couldn't afford the tissues.
The choices for car washing, flipping burgers and pouring coffee, spectacular.
I'm not educated to wash, flip, and pour,
I really should have planned better.

Employers must be IN Mass.
And cash doesn't dance. Credit cards do.
Sixteen hours of resume revamping,
Twenty hours of cover letter re-design and months of emailing,
gave me one thing I didn't have, cramps.

Oh yes.
The bylaws need revamping, Employer onslaughts, went with the wind.
About my hair. It's a lovely shade of in-shock grey.
Pinstripes? Let's not go there.
So what have I done for me lately?
I whipped out the good china to have a coffee
Didn't have time to use it before.
Unemployed class, all is good.

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